“I Love Watching You Play.”

Every year in the United States, about 40 million children play youth sports yet 70 % of those kids drop out and quit by the time they are 13 years old. Three out of four children are done with sports before high school.

This is the data I got from the university’s class.

I knew that there were a certain number of children who quit sports before high school, but I didn't think that there were this many. 70 % of children? Wow, that's too many. Since this is data from the United States, so I don't know in detail how many kids drop out sports in Japan, but I am sure that there are many children who decide to quit sports before entering high school in Japan, the same as the US.

Then, why do kids drop out and quit sports? I know there are various factors, but one of the biggest reasons is “parents.”

Who is more competitive…Kids or parents?

My first time skating was when I was 3 years old. I joined a local hockey club when I was 5 years old. Now, I am 24. It means I’ve been playing hockey for more than 20 years. And, I never thought “I don’t like this sport ” or “I wanna quit hockey” in my career. Never. Why? The answer is simple. because I love it. It is fun for me. Let’s dig deeper into this question. So why, the hockey was fun for me? I guess it’s because my mom and dad made me keep enjoying hockey. That was a huge factor for me. When I was young, I had no stress playing hockey. They understood me, they supported me, and they let me play hockey as I want to.

My dad, who was a professional hockey player in Japan, taught me a lot of things. I am sure I couldn’t make the D1 hockey program if my dad wasn’t there.

When I grow up, He never yelled or screamed because I wasn’t good enough. Even if I missed the scoring chance during the game, or I felt down on the ice, he never got mad at me. He never did that. The only time he scolded me is when I had a bad attitude towards hockey such as complaining about the environment around myself, complaining about my teammates, attitude without respect to coaches or opponents or being afraid to fail. Other than that, he never yelled at me.

My mom never said anything negative to me as well. She did not know about hockey, but she always came to watch practice, she always took a video when I had games. And even if I lost a game because of my mistake, her words were always positive.

Both my dad and mom were always generous to me. And this is why I never felt “Oh It’s not fun” when I play hockey.

I sometimes look back on the games I played when I was around 10 years old. From the video, I often hear the voices of various parents yelling at the children from the bench side and most of them are like this;

“What are you doing!”

“Move fast!”

“Why you don't pass him!”

Yes, it looks like the children playing the game, but the reality is “adults.” Their parents are more competitive than kids. And this is the problem that is happening in various field of youth sports.

The game exists for the kids, not for adults. It is a great opportunity for kids to experience a different feeling than usual practice. It should be a fun time. However, adults have turned it into “meaningless competition” for their own convenience.

Of course, all parents want their kids to be better than anyone else. This is a natural thing. But this is why parents get frustrated when it does not go the way they want. Parents want kids to play well on the ice, but if it’s not, they start screaming and yelling their kids like “What are you doing!”

That’s so sad.

In addition, there is time to hurt kids other than on the field. It’s a ride home.

Please take a look at this video.

On the way back from practice. dad starts talking to his kid. This is what he says ;

So not your best practice, Can we agree on that? It seemed like you wanted to hang out with your friend more than practice. And that’s fine. That’s what you wanna do. You know, just tell me because you can do that any time. Maybe we can skip your next game, hmm? Because choosing to waste your time that’s one thing. But wasting my time and your coaches time? That’s selfish. You don’t care about other people, you don’t care about hard work, you don’t care about teamwork. That’s why you are always on the bench every time it matters. so if you wanna keep playing, you need to take a good hard look at yourself, and think about that.

The kid doesn't say anything, but his face is full of sadness when his dad talks to him. How hard it is? How can he still enjoy going to practice?

I think one of the biggest reasons children quit sports is that they don't wanna let parents down. Kids think like “If I can not play well, my parents will be stressed. So, if I quit this sport, it will never happen.”

The higher expectation by parents, the higher pressure for kids.

The five simple words that parents should tell their kids

So, what parents should say to their kids? What should they tell?

This is very simple. It’s only five words.

I LOVE WATCHING YOU PLAY!

That’s all. This is what parents should say to their kids.

Looking back on my life, I heard a lot of similar words from my mom when I was little kids. I remember my mom told me many times that “I really love watching you play! your play is so fun to watch Yuki! You always make me happy when you are doing what you love!”

Not limited to sports but it can be said to all, regardless of whether kids are an elite or a normal player, you should convey to your kids as “I love watching you play.”

Kids need love. Kids need acceptance. Kids need someone who always understands and supports themselves.

Words such as “You should do this!” or “Move like this!” may lead to the improvement of kids’ skills. However, at the same time, there is a possibility that you end up putting pressure on them. Before talking about the plays or skills, let’s tell them how much you love watching them play first. This seems obvious, and it may be a point that is often overlooked.

“I want my kids to be successful!”

Having this feeling is not a bad thing as parents, and I think it is natural. However, it should not be a parent’s ego. Parents should not take children's future away.

I hope the number of children who quit sports will decrease in the future. Sports must be fun for everyone.

Thank you for reading!:)

Yuki Miura

P.S
This is what I watched in the class. Great video!